On Darwen Moor Baht 'at

Lancashire was hit by 80mph winds overnight, and the highest profile victim was the Jubilee Tower in Darwen, which has lost its hat. It'll catch it's deeath o' cowd.

This isn't the first time Darwen Tower has lost its crowning dome. The original blew off in 1947 and the monument was hatless until it was replaced in 1971. Looking (see below) at how it was attached and considering the strength of wind felt up on the moors, it is surprising it has lasted this long.

From a brief survey of walkers around the tower, it seems people prefer it without the dome. Opinions have changed since the 70s and now it seems the public prefer old buildings to look old, unencumbered with anachronisms like the structure that was towed away on the back of a tractor this morning. Hopefully, it'll end up on show somewhere in the town; it seems unlikely to be replaced in the Current Economic Climate.

Darwen Tower (as it is known) has been a symbol of the town since its construction in 1898; until recently railings in the town were adorned with some nice models of the tower. While cycling around the town today I didn't notice many pictures of the tower apart from the icon on the standard brown tourism sign, which now  resembles the tower more closely:

Will these leaks sink the ship of internet freedom?

During the run-up to the 2010 General Election, candidates from the three main political parties took part in a panel discussion at Blackburn Cathedral on the subject "Can we trust politicians?". During the debate, I asked a question about the Digital Economy Act, a new, controversial piece of legislation that includes provisions to allow the UK government to instruct Internet Service Providers (ISPs) to block access to websites that facilitate copyright infringement. I warned Jack Straw after the meeting that sites like Wikileaks were essential to democracy and should be protected from this legislation. Jack had never heard of Wikileaks, despite the site being involved in the leak of procedural documents from Guantanamo Bay, an issue that Straw dealt with during his time as Foreign Secretary. I'm sure that changed today.

The 400,000 documents released today by Wikileaks is the biggest and most important military intelligence leak in history, not because of the revelations it contains, but simply because it was leaked at all. Over the coming weeks, volunteers all across the world will disseminate this information and news reports will be published daily containing new stories raised from the data.

This creates a severe headache for the powers that be; because of the massive and sudden growth in communication technology, the internet has grown into a massive, unstructured mess of servers and cables acting across international boundaries and jurisdictions; the only way governments can control access to this data is by forcing ISPs to block certain sites, as in the case of the Digital Economy Act and China's well documented national firewall. Methods like these, when the ISPs agree to enforce them, prevent, to a degree, information coming into the PCs of users. Controlling what information leaves the country is presently impossible to regulate. Many feel that governments have left it too late to control the core flow of information around the internet. This latest leak may scare the US into doing something about it.

The trend towards the open dissemination of military intelligence through leaks, freedom of information legislation and freely available satellite imagery may not be a bad thing. In July 2010, Wikileaks released a similar set of documents relating to the Afghan war, to widespread criticism that these leaks could lead to reprisals and put people in danger. The timing of the release of the Iraq War Diary was critical; almost three months have passed since the Afghan publication and even the Pentagon admit no harm was done. Wikileaks' argument that the Iraq diary won't harm anyone but could potentially save lives by bringing those responsible to account is compelling.

This wake up call to governments should also serve as a call to arms for internet users; never before has it been so important to protect the free flow of information across the web. Donate to Wikileaks or read more about digital rights at the Electronic Frontier Foundation.

Lancashire Constabulary to set up "Probe Bureau"

In accordance with editorial guidelines established by local news sources, the Lancashire Constabulary have announced that they will roll up all existing investigative departments into a new dedicated superdepartment, the Probe Bureau.

The new Probe Bureau

The Blackburn Bugle today probed Detective Superintendent Austin James, the officer selected to head this new department. When asked why the change was necessary, James replied: "In the current economic climate, it's important that we look to conserve previous resources, and a recent internal audit concluded that 0.83% of our officers' time is taken up writing or typing the word 'investigation'. Of course, with the additional ink use and keyboard wear this entails, something had to be done. Shortening the term to 'probe' is the ideal solution.

"All officers in the Probe Bureau will now be referred to as 'Probers', and the squad cars are named 'Probemobiles'. All officers will be fitted with a consolidated multipurpose 'Probulator' device, which will serve as a baton, mobile phone, handcuffs, coffee stirrer and toupee clip; all the tools a modern Prober needs in the 21st Century."

Drug crime is of course a perennial issue in Blackburn, and a unit will be set up within the Probe Bureau to deal with this unique problem. Police Alsatians will be equipped with special baseball cap and tracksuit uniforms and retrained as Probe Dogs to blend in with local youth and sniff out those hard to find stashes. Police have dubbed this campaign the "Space Probe".

Probes into large scale financial fraud will be the domain of a special, extremely orderly and meticulous unit of the Probe Bureau in their new purpose built Anal Probe building (pictured above) at Greenbank Business Park, Blackburn. "I'll admit it's an unfortunate name", commented Det. Supt. James, "but we'd already paid for the sign when we noticed the error."

The Flow of News: From Facebook to the International Wire

Back in the bad old days, journalists had to go out into the world hunting for stories, attempting to follow developments by hanging onto the coattails of the people involved, spending time driving from place to place or waiting outside in the cold for hours on end.

But then came Facebook. It is to the journalist what the replicator would be to the caveman hungry for his next gazelle. Reporters now sit for hours in front of their feeds hoping for inspiration to present itself, so they can send off some emails, collect some quotes, and weave together a 300 word human interest story.

Last Tuesday, an amateur tattooist from Blackburn posted a cryptic status update, in capitals, about how she was unwilling to change her appearance for anyone. After friends asked for more details, it transpires that she'd just got back from a visit to Blackburn Job Centre, where a clerk had advised Hayley O'Neil (for it is she) that her cheek and lip piercings and tattoos would put off potential employers. He wasn't very tactful about it and apologised during the interview, as it became clear he'd caused offence.

So far so boring, but Tom Moseley at the Lancashire Telegraph didn't think so, and cobbled together a story on it with plenty of emotive quotes from the mother, the standard don't-judge-a-book-by-its-cover cliché, and a stuffy response from the Department for Work and Pensions about how it's standard procedure to give people advice on their appearance.

However, if Facebook is the go-to source for local journalists, it seems local news is the feed from which to pick national stories. Confounding normal boundaries of newsworthiness, the Telegraph ran an article reusing many of the quotes the LT published the day before, but, crucially, misquoting the job centre guy as having told Hayley to put a bag over her head. Of course, the story then exploded its way onto blogs all over the world, even as far as Indonesia and Vietnam.

Inevitably, the comments sections of every site that deemed to relay the story quickly filled up with support for the DWP's stance on the matter, but when the Lancashire Telegraph got desperate for column inches again on a sleepy Sunday, Sam Chadderton elected to share some messages of support for Hayley from piercing and tattoo parlours advertising their "equal opportunities for freaks" policy, somewhat proving the still unnamed job centre employee's original point.

So yes, point and laugh at the girl with the stuff in her face, but she'll have the last laugh now. Dust clouds are rising across East Lancashire from the herds of reality TV talent scouts rushing through the streets to her door.

Heaven on Earth

Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth. With shutters.

Swingers! Are you looking for a good time in a relaxed environment? Then come down to Heaven and Earth, St. Peter Street, Blackburn. We're offering special rates for single male or couples membership, and single women even get in free! Relax in our sumptuously decorated Social Area and feel your troubles melt away in our mixed sauna, steam room and jacuzzi. You'll have the swingiest time of your life at Heaven on Earth!

Okay, so that's not how today's article in the Lancashire Evening Telegraph read, but it might as well have been. Mr Dhirubhai Patel, the spokesman for the business, can surely expect a massive influx of eager swingers today from the free advertising provided by the paper.

Even more puzzling than the fact that the venue, in the heart of Blackburn's red light district and proudly signed as a "Mixed Sauna" didn't arouse suspicion earlier in its tenancy, the article seems to focus on the venue's proximity to the Cathedral, and notes the objections of two religious leaders, the Rev Kevin Logan and Anjum Anwar, as if their views on this subject were likely to reflect the moral barometer of 21st Century Blackburn.

Borough Councillor Kate Hollern and local jeweller Phil Ainsworth, the two other interviewees, set forth their OUTRAGE and SPEWED their BILE with the following DEVASTATING CONDEMNATIONS:

"I don’t think it’s appropriate." - Kate Hollern

and

"With the new shopping centre, we are trying to encourage more families into the town, and businesses like this opening up make that awkward." - Phil Ainsworth

Of course, any journalist worth his salt would have joined the club posing as a former prime minister and written a gritty, realist piece on the decay of morality in western civilisation and the tragedy of the midlife crisis. He might even have got off with a granny.